Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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