id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
