You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Houston, we have a squirter
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Randomize
