I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
