I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
