So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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