was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Sext me about skeletons
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
