I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
