Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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