You just made me feel so damn special
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
