she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
