Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
