The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
