I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
