Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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