thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
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