Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
