i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
