'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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