Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
