what day is it and did you see me today?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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