Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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