Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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