You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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