Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The Olympian is in my bed
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
