genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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