Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
