That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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