I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
