Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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