i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
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