put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
