i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
