he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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