He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
