just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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