You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Even my vagina gasped.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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