He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
