i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
