you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
