the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
