yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
