you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
This house was built for laser tag.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
