I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I got inside last night via doggy door
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
