you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
