i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
