Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
