I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
