On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
