This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
