i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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