When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
