Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
